Tyler's Last Stand
by PikaScootaloo
Summary: When Tyler loses his precious item, he's contacted by a scrap of paper informing him that it's been stolen, and the thief is a complete mystery. Watch as Tyler faces many trials and bad puns to retrieve his item. Will the stars align just right for Tyler's last stand, or is he doomed to failure? Humor fic.
1. The Journey Begins

_Knock, knock, knock..._

"Just a minute!"

_Knock, knock, knock..._

"Hold on!"

Instead of another knock, a sassy female voice called out from behind the door. "Boy, whatever it is you're doing can't be _that_ important. Open this door!"

So shocked that she would dare say that, he immediately swung open the door, coming face to face with LeShawna.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Whoa, you don't look so good!"

It was true. His brown hair was disheveled with his headband not being of any help, his eyes were baggy and tired, and he was an all-around wreck.

"Did you get in another fight with Ezekiel?" LeShawna asked. "I told you once Tyler, that kid is too much for you."

"Can you bother me later?" he yawned. "I need to find my..." His eyelids drooped down, and he started snoring. It only took him a few seconds to shake himself awake.

"Find your...?"

"Find my what?"

"Find whatever it is you're looking for!"

"Huh—oh! Sorry, I gotta keep looking!" He rushed back into the house, slamming the door on LeShawna.

"Oh, we are _not_ going through this again," she seethed to herself, opening the door and entering the home.

The place was just as much a wreck as he was. Clothes laid tattered, cabinets were riffled through, and Tyler was currently ransacking a dresser.

"What's all this?" she asked.

"Sorry LeShawna, can't talk now!" he said, not bothering to stop or look up at her. "If I talk, I'll get tired, and Tyler needs as much energy as he can to find it!"

"Find what?"

Tyler didn't answer.

Remembering why she was here, LeShawna took out a scrap of paper and waved it around. "Chris wants your OK to be on a new season whenever he wants you to. Which'll probably be never, but he still wants you to sign it."

"Yeah that's great see ya!"

LeShawna groaned and headed towards the door. Before she actually exited, she called out, "It's got something about Chris having your last stand or something. Nothing like in mine."

Tyler's head bolted up, and he stopped dead in his tracks.

With a smirk, she said, "Well, see ya Tyler. Say hi to Lindsay for me." With that, she left.

Immediately, Tyler fumbled to the piece of paper and read it aloud for some reason. "_'If you want your last stand back, meet at the Aftermath studio. There, we'll continue our meeting.' _"

He crumpled the piece of paper in his fist, anger swelling up from within. Jumping upright, he shook said fist in the air. "I'll make you pay! You'll regret ever stealing Tyler's last stand!"

A dramatic thunderstorm struck from behind his window, scaring Tyler a bit. Then, something with a shrill shriek landed right next to Tyler's window. Of course, the window opened revealing a dazed and woozy Revenge of the Island contestant: Lightning.

"Lightning is sha- here! Who... uh..." He fainted right on the window sill.

Taking a moment to put a pillow under Lightning's head, Tyler then resumed his epic proclamation. "I'll get that last stand if it's the last thing I'll do!"

And so, Tyler started his quest to retrieve his last stand, his first atop being the Aftermath studio.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry.**

**This'll be a humor fic, the focus mainly being about as many puns as I can shoehorn in. **

**So, Tyler needs his last stand back, and he's determined to get it, even if he has to endure ****BLISTERING WINDS AND SCORCHING DESERTS. Or just Total Drama landmarks. Same diff.**

**See ya soon!**


	2. He Kissed a Gentleman!

The Aftermath studio was just in Tyler's sight. He already felt his hope rising, along with his anger at whoever stole his last stand. So it shocked his a great deal to see the doors locked.

"Wha—Hey!" he groaned. "No door can stop Tyler! Take _this!_"

One failed attempt and a concussion later, Tyler woozily decided to pull it open instead of push. Of course, it worked.

"Ugh..." Regaining his composure, he said determinedly, "Ha! I'm here now! Give me back my last stand, you jerk!"

"You sound like an idiot for talking to yourself," said a slightly nasally voice.

Tyler turned, only to see Scott, the dirt farm boy, sweeping the room.

"You took it, didn't you?!" Tyler snarled, immediately jumping to conclusions.

"No."

"Liar!" He lifted his fist, preparing to punch the daylights out of him. Unfortunately, he accidentally slugged _himself_, right in the eye. "Ow!"

Scott rolled his eyes. "Sheesh. No wonder you've only been in two seasons. You're literally an accident waiting to happen."

Suddenly, Cameron popped up from the side. "I'm pretty sure you're using the word literally wrong."

"And I'm pretty sure you'll be fed to the blind gophers. Now scram!" He sweeper Cameron away, a relatively easy feat.

Tyler narrowed his eyes, his brain forming an idea that would hopefully not be translated into a non sequitur. "Hmm... If _you _don't have my last stand, then why are you here?"

Without warning, streamers and balloons started falling from the ceiling, a little fanfare playing. From out of nowhere, Geoff stepped up. "You heard right! For the first time ever, Tyler has made a smart question! Give him a hand, folks!"

"I've got a posessed one from a Mighty Pirate, will that work?" Scott asked as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Geoff just stared at him. "Too much info, brah. Too much info." With that, he left.

"...yeah," Scott said. "So, what were you saying? All these stupid interruptions are getting on my nerves."

"Someone stole my last stand and said to meet them here, Tyler recapped. "And you're the only one here. Coincidence? Probably, if I knew what coincidence means."

"Yeah, I'm the only one here. Besides the walking pencil and banana head, yeah. But I didn't take your stand."

"Last stand."

"Don't care. I'm just here sweeping, 'cause I actually like manual labor."

"So you didn't take it?" Tyler asked, eying him intently.

"If I say no, you'll just try to punch me again."

"Liar!" Tyler snarled, making an attempt to punch him again. Of course, this just caused him to punch himself in the eye again. "Ow!"

Scott smirked. "As much as I enjoy your misery, there is actually something here for you." Taking out a scrap of paper, he handed it over to Tyler. "It says it's from Chris, but I don't buy it. I forge his signature all the time and it's nothing like this."

Tyler gasped once he took the note. "'On this note is-'"

"You do realize you don't have to read this out loud, don't you?"

Tyler continued reading, causing Scott to groan. "'On this note is a picture of your beloved last stand, since I told you that you'd see it. Ha ha, joke's on you. Want more info? Go to -er, I mean, go to the islands that ended it all. And by that, I mean Hawaii.'"

Rolling his eyes, Scott said, "Oh, you aren't seriously thinking about going to Hawaii, are y-"

"No one takes my last stand!" Tyler growled, balling the note in his fist and aking said fist in the air. "They will rue the day they ever stole from Tyler! ...I have no idea what 'rue' means!"

Scott just shook his head, half out of irritation, half knowing this wouldn't end well.

~.~.~.~.~.~

A/N: And you all thought I was gonna bail from this fic. Ha ha, who's laughing now?

Scott is the best sane man, I swear.

Totally not sorry for those Tales of Monkey Island references. It's one of the best games ever, like seriously.

Chapter three should have less of a waiting gap, since I have it all written on paper. It's gonna be the sickest chapter ever! With absolutely no focus on the Hawaii bit! Just like Total Drama does! Stay tuned for Tyler's! Last! Staaaaand!


	3. Use Your Fingers, Not Your Teeth

"...and so then, that ogre of an ex started making out with her, right on the yacht! To make it worse, we didn't even go to the island! Just a crummier version of the Playa!"

Tyler repeatedly bashed his head on the steel cage that confined him. "I... just... want... my last stand... back."

"Shut up and listen!" Courtney grolwed. "And so then, we made bets to see who'd be season finalists, and I lost! Me, the CIT!"

"That's what you get for voting the she-jock instead of Cameron," came a snide an nasally voice.

Tyler gasped. "Whoa! There's someone in the cage next to mine that's covered by a tarp that I didn't notice until now!"

"Oddly specific, Tyler."

"How did you know my name? Did you steal my last stand?! Give it back or I'll fight you! Unless you're a girl, in which case I totally respect your privacy. Are you a girl? You kind of sound like one."

"I'm Noah, you moron," he scowled, pulling the tarp away to reveal everyone's favorite bookworm.

Tyler blinked. "Noah...?"

"Oh, come on. I'm like the most popular with the fans; the shippings with me in them are more popular than Duncney!"

"Which is not and will never be a thing anymore," Courtney remarked, seemingly fine with this bout of exposition.

"The only two I know of are NoCo and Nawn," Tyler said to Noah.

"Not Nizzy?"

Tyler shook his head.

"Gwoah?"

Tyler shook his head.

"Notie-well, that one's just a TKN fanon one like Bridgezekiel."

"You're losing me here."

"Obviously," Noah sneered, rolling his eyes. "The point is, I don't deserve this 'unknown' routine when I'm the most iconic contestant on Total Drama."

"No, I am!" Courtney snapped. "And I'm not done ranting!"

It was then that a semblance of an idea formed in the very bruised brain of the lovable jock. And as if he had won the million, he gave a sharp gasp. "You could just let me go and leave Noah behind!" he said, very pleased with himself.

Noah snapped his head, glaring to mask his partial confusion. And also glaring due to the fact that Tyler pretty much threw him under the bus. "Dude, not that I don't understand wanting to save your own skin, but you once _rammed a steel door_ because you'd never leave a man behind. I think I speak for everyone when I ask; the _fuck?"_

Tyler shook his head, still giddy about his ingenious idea. "Don't worry! I've got a plan! See, when she lets me out, I'll use my extreme finger strength to bust you out!"

There was a silence, which Courtney was happy to break. "I'm right here, you know. I heard everything you just said."

"...Oh."

Noah smacked his freakishly large forehead.

Fortunately, Tyler's brain was on a roll. With another gasp, he said, "Hanon! I think i've got another idea!"

"What, really?" said Noah, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah!" Tyler nodded vehemently. With a dramatic gesture, he positioned his finger next to one of the bars. Mere centimeters away, Tyler's focus was that of phenomenal; truly, that was one of the gifts of being a jock, however klutzy. His eyes narrowed, he roared out his favorite word of all time.

"EXTREME!"

And with the lightest of taps, the cage immediately disintegrated.

"That's a first," quipped Noah, though even he couldn't hide his astonishment at the feat.

As Tyler climbed up to Noah's cage, he locked eyes with the bookworm. "Never leave a man behind," he said, his sentiments traveling for miles. With another tap, Noah was released.

Courtney snapped her fingers in disappointment. "Drat. Well, who needs you anyway?" With that, she produced a butterfly net, walking off and mumbling something about capturing Zeke and Cody.

Noah scoffed. "So are well really letting her get away with keeping us in a Hawaiian shack against our wills for six days?"

"I was here for five days!" He paused. "Five is less than six, right?"

"Obviously," Noah drawled. "Otherwise six wouldn't be afraid of seven."

"Why was six afraid of seven?" Tyler asked innocently, apparently not knowing the joke in the slightest.

Amazed at how unknowledgeable he was, Noah opted to answer without a snide remark. "It's because seven ate nine."

Suddenly, Trent appeared, though this wasn't our normal Trent. His pupils, noticably, were shaped like nines. "No one disrespects the Ninth Gods" he snarled, grabbing Noah in a choke hold.

"Uh, Tyler?" Noah asked, his voice only partially revealing just how freaked he was. "Mind helping m out here?"

All Tyler did was shrug.

As Psycho Trent picked the little bookworm up, Noah could only give Tyler an incredulous look. The nine-atic ran off with him, and Noah's nasally voice rang out,"THE FUUUUUuuuuck..." His screams echoed until they could be heard no more.

Once they were gone, it was just Tyler, just as it should've been. And then he started monologuing. "Little does he know that I'm actually planning on saving him, though I need my last stand to do it. With my awesome skills, I, Tyler, shall find my last stand and save my new buddy. Look out, world! Nothing's in my w-oh hey, another note!"

It was true. Another scrap of paper was floating in front of him, and he was sure it was another note. Luckily, it was. "'Glad to see you're still reading thing. Or actually can read! Go to Paris for your next note.'"

Eyes flaired with determination, Tyler balled up the note in his fist. "Tyler is coming for you!" And as he started to walk onward, he tripped, falling flat on his face.

* * *

A/N: RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU EXPECTED NOAH WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS I KNOW I DID

But did you expect a ranting Courtney or Psycho!Trent? It's like everyone wants to kidnap Noah. Speaking of him, oh no! He's kidnapped! For Tyler to save him, he'll need his last stand. But why? And will he forget about it? For the sake of comedy, I want to say yes, but no. Tyler's good for a lot of slapstick, but when he says he's gonna save his buddy, he's gonna.

So, next up is _oui oui mon Paris!_ There, Tyler will get the surprise of his life. But what? Or who? And will there be songs? Possibly! I like songs, so I might add some in later chapters! Raise your hand if you want Tyler solos!

Stay tuned!


End file.
